I should go... - a short life update.

Today is the release of one of my favourite games in the galaxy. Mass Effect Legendary Edition is out and I can't play it until tomorrow but I can feel the excitement, like I'm about to go on a date with an old lover who still does it for me, that tingle when you know they're on their way, anticipating that first moment, that first kiss. Its a game that brings me joy and melancholy in equal measure.

When you wear your N7 merch in public you are guaranteed, if another fan sees it, to get a "Shepard" and a nod. Cause fans love fans in this franchise, it's not just a game but a life and unless you live it too, you will never truly get it.

And it's because this game, and Dragon Age, has become my life in a way, I went from sitting alone watching the credits roll on Mass Effect 3 and, not gonna lie, being outraged that this game I had devoted my life to had ended with (destroy ending is best ending don't @ me) a colour choice and a message about buying DLC - all my good work destroyed, I didn't even get my breath cause I didn't touch MEMP! I didn't replay the main game of ME3 for a year cause I was sulking and it was an old friend who convinced me to try again with the DLC added.

But after that first time I "took to the internet" and tried to find if other people felt the same way I did and that's when the world opened up for me. Twitter lead me to so many new friends, new loves and new perspectives. I started to write in DARP and MERP (all accounts are listed) beginning with my Captain El - an absolute self insert into my favourite worlds. She was never the hero of the story like Commander Shepard or The Warden but she was a side character with a rich life I had created and for her to exist in games I wished I could really be in. Among others I love to be Aria (@BootyPirateAria) and rule Omega and talk to any accounts that dared approach me, I had lost the details for the account until recently. I rule Orlais as Empress Celene (@OrlesianEmpress) and played the game expertly with the Inquisition. I met friends who I wrote with, people I fell in love with, people I fell out with, people I hurt. I played MEMP with some of them and then...well we just were friends then with a tie of mass effect that still keeps us together. Some I'm still friends with and others I'm not but such is life. Or at least such is me. I miss those friendships and loves at times but things have a way of ending for a reason.

I replayed the series over and over and over, trying different choices sometimes but eventually doing the same choices over and over cause I knew what I liked and I had perfected my playthrough.

It all started with my brother Matthew telling me to play the space game because I had played Fable 2 to death and then me avoiding it, cause when anyone tells me to do a thing I really don't want to, and then playing it and feeling meh about it. Until...ah until...I arrived at the citadel and I banged that beautiful blue consort and I could flirt, FLIRT, with my squad and I was hooked. The ending now I still have feelings about but I don't hate it. You can't truly hate a thing when you love it so much.

My life right now is good, I think I am happy. I have come full circle with new friends and new loves as well as old friends and old loves. I have the usual worries of money and my health. But overall I'm happy. I'm writing this update and I look back at the past few years and I know I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. Sitting alone in front of my TV as Shepard tells her space lover "I should go..."