Loneliness And Anger Panic - The Abyss.

A look into pain.

He lied, you know, Nietzsche. He said "if you stare into the abyss. The abyss stares back at  you" 

He lied. I've stared into the abyss, I've looked into those dark places. I've glared into the void 

...and it is empty. 

Empty and alone, lonely and dark, I looked into the abyss and it reflected my soul. I expected something hungry and wanting. Am I hungry and wanting?

The pain in my chest is the only thing keeping me from doubting I am real. Am I real? I must be. Am I fraud living a pretend life, a facsimile of life, while I wait for the inevitable? 

Is there a light at the end of the abyss? Or is that a trick of the eye meant to deceive me and lead me further in? 

If I sold my soul they would want a refund. 

So lonely. Alone. Singular.

Need someone for me. I am me. Locked in a glass prison. Can't feel can't hear can't touch.

There for when you need me. Alone for when you don't.

Fuck you.

Try to be me. Steal me. Leave me. You are grey to me. You attack because you want. You abuse because you need. You cannot have me.

Anger. Red. Help. Helps me. Anger brings fire. Anger brings warmth. Anger brings colour back.

Fuck you.

I AM ME.

Every moment of people, of people who exist, there are those who feel alone. Isolated and feeling as though there is no point to their own existence.

Slowly eroding my presence from the real life. Living in an isolated bubble, my only interactions are with myself. Writing stories of people who aren't real, are they real? Are you? You could say I have lived a thousand lives and yet.

And yet.

You are alone. Writing this so you don't have a panic attack, an anxiety spin that you can feel surfacing beneath the void. If you died today who would notice? Your body could lay there for days and no one would notice. It could only be after a few days of no communication that someone may come round to know. To see. To investigate.

What use am I to anyone? I know people would be sad that I was dead. They would mourn me. But the affect I have on the world is so small the ripples i create that my removal would make no difference, would it?. I could cease to be. Could you?

The Abyss screams my name.

It is not empty.

It is full of devils that lie.